Snow

So I'm back in my old cubicle at Praise Fellowship church in Sheboygan, WI. More snow has piled up from the last blizzard last night and it's going to be a white Christmas. I got a drama ready for tonight at church. Yesterday I came in making styrofoam flats for the set that are now clouds on stage. It looks good, and now I'm working on a video series which I'm going to shoot in basement for some kids conference. that should be fun.

It's really good to be back in town and see familiar faces which I have not familiarized myself with in a long time. for instance, just the other night at the hookah bar i saw a friend (but not at first) because his orange beard hid his identiy very very well and when i finally recognized him, after an awkward moment of hesitation, I ran over and gave him a haven't-seen-you-in two-years hug. Pristine!

It's good to see the Ottens and be back in their house again, and last night I saw a bunch of buddies from high school. It's just good to be back. I even have had the opportunity to eat dinner with my dad and talk for a few hours. Many good things were said.

Did i mention it snowed....cuz it did. A LOT! I love snow regardless of how many people get seriously injured on the road--who cares about them! Let it snow! Good stuff...good stuff

Late Night Nap Comp

So you know its the end when you're taking late night naps starting at 10:30 pm to compensate for sleeplessness. I'm ready to go (It's 1:25)! One more day and I'm going to WI. I'm pretty pumped.

I really want to become a school bus driver in my lifetime--along with that, a camp counsellor--another one of my dreams. No, but I'm really serious about the one, I'm not just saying this for kicks and giggles. I want to drive a school bus driver and I've wanted to since I was young. I picked up an app for the Springfield school dept. although I can't start until I get my CDL which I have to be 21 to get, which would be in February. I think I'm gonna go through with it though because I'm dedicated to finding a way to maket his happen!

I wanna be that guy who the kids all like and can't wait to say hi to in the morning. The "coolest" driver ever. The one the kids parents make an additional Christmas card for and tuck in the kids bag saying, "give this to your bus driver, that special person. He's so nice!" ...WELL, enough fantasy there, I really hope it happens now!

I also really want to be a camp counsellor next summer. I'm gonna apply!

Regretless

Why should I live with regrets?
Why should life pull me, attached with strings, through the mud?
I guess I'm feeling a need to embrace God and hold to that relationship.
in Timothy somewhere it says to not forget about the gift that God gave you when you were prayed for, implying there is continually something more than just an initial spiritual high and then it's a done deal. I believe God wants us to chase him into a jungle of uncertainty, a very wild place, and keep hungering for unmentionable good fruits and my favorite, eggnog.
Why should we give up this fight? This plight? Lose Sight.
I've been through an interesting experience in the last month, and I'm learning about what relationships are all about and what they're not. It's been a cold, dark place that scarcely draws light on any deserving areas of passion.
I think love can be shared through honesty and being quiet--these are forms of wisdom.
So what I'm really craving is to become wise and still be small enough to call God my daddy. That is who he is after all, and I forget that he loves being that and that I mean so much to him. I've abandoned my daddy so that I can feel good about myself and keep a good image.
Why must I?
Why am I refusing to leave this little clearing that exposes the sky, deep within the dense jungle foliage? This place where I am right now, it's lacking adventure and devotion to my journey to a greater place. I get so caught up in what good fortune has fallen in my lap, and I dismiss my best friend Jesus so that I can bathe in the temporary highs of today as the stars in the clearing come clearer into view.
Lets leave this circle of ridiculous wonderment--my feet are sticking to the ground and my stride is slowed and the take off is slow. But I'm heading out into the dimly lit woods, so that I can chase my Lord into continually strange places--which bring fulfillment and healing from aches.

Almost...

It's almost time to take a break and begin eating extensively...and then there's the leftovers. Thanksgiving! How great can it get? Well, pretty crazy I guess. I pulled in and am sitting in what to me is heaven: a (now) 24 hour coffee shop. How amazing is that. On my way I drove past a building that caught my eye, I pulled into the adjacent dark alley way and slipped on my black gloves. I got out of my car and approached the skeletal, metallic fire escape stairway that hung off the 4-5 story building and I begin climbing till I reached a difficult gated ladder which didn't keep me from reaching the roof. Once there I stood before the beautiful Springfield cityscape and drank it in. I love being where I can see it all, it makes me feel so little and puts everything into perspective. I just did my custom television show which I worked my butt off for. I wanted to do something no one has ever done (like always) which drives me into excessive video producing/editing and little to no sleep and continuous captivity at the TV studio until morning came and I was pretty much ready to go. It went great! My newly friend, Phil, helped me big time with music and being a musical guest. He was hilarious and I really respect the guy for putting what he did into my project and hoping I would get an A which I think I got. It put me behind on my thirty page script which I intend to finish now at this coffee shop through the night. I'm scared, I feel like a failure for being late with it. This is unacceptable.

I got the opportunity to talk with someone very special to me, and it took a turn for the better. I'm learning a great deal in being a better communicator. I'm learning. I was gifted a carton of eggnog--my first of the year! I'm so pumped, I drank like half of it but it was so nice to wake up from a nap and be given something like that. I love eggnog, cottage cheese and a strong cup of coffee--not all together--but I love it indeed. Anyway... I can't wait to see my aunt Trixi, she's a hoot-'n-a-half!

A.D.D.

I can't think of anything I'd want more than to be a cleaned up version of a little business agent but my ADD--self-diagnosed attention deficit disorder--prevails over all my attempts to do what I want to do: succeed. But what I'm doing now is an exception to it all and that is I'm listening to George Winston piano music while writing a blog about having ADD. That's totally cool because at least I'm confronting the problem that I have and what's more I'm listening to George Winston.
I want more than anything to be guided by the heartbeat of God rather than being contstrained by my emotions that take me along in winding circles.

I want to be free.

I love what life offers me here. Acceptance, friendship, food, fun times, Binaca breath spray, and all the other perks--but I'm leaving out the fact that I'm not offering the world something that I no doubt could be offering it, excellence.

I try to get sleep but it usually comes in coma-forms whereas I'll be going for a jog and then I'll take a break and lean against a tree and fall asleep there for eight hours. That's eight hours I could be pulling an overnighter with. Last night I fell asleep on my couch watching some shots I took which is way less cool-sounding than a jog. The truth is, I haven't taken a jog in almost a month, sad but true. I want to make something of this little life I have and I want it to be big and important. I want it to be like, "Hey God, look at me here! Hey daddy! Look--look what I'm doing with my life. Are you looking at me, God? Isn't this cool. I then want God to look down at me and just smile for a little bit and then burst out laughing. And I don't want the laughter to end and I want to laugh right along with him until we can't laugh anymore. Then I want him to be like, hey Zach, lets go get some coffee.

Today's the Day

It's Halloween, but that's not in particular what I'm excited for. My fam should be arriving shortly...Mal's staying the weekend and I get to see my little sisters and dad for a little bit this morning. This is really important to me. I just cleaned my room and stuff. People keep leaving their shoes in here whenever they come and visit me...I'm like stockpiling them and then i think when i collect a sum total of at least 360 pairs I'm going to build some sort of memorial out of them and mainly to honor those feet which have lost their outer covering--itlll be beautiful!

Sitting here Fascinated

So I unerstand, sir, it's been a long time since I've written
but please don't grab a sorry kitten
to be bitten
is to be smitten.

I think the reason I haven't written a blog in such a long time is because I'd probably be clogging the arteries of Cyber space with poetic retardation like that and I don't want want to offend the minority races.

Life has really been a challenge yet rewarding too. I don't feel sometimes I'm really challenging myself to the fullest academically, but I do feel something astounding is blossoming in my life and that intrigues me into seeing its beauty.

I love the life God's given me!
I just got done reading Donald Miller's newest To Own a Dragon- reflections on growing up fatherless- and to my astonishment, God's been fathering me all along this journey before I could even walk. Pretty cool. Just the other night I was broken down to pray and lift up my father, the real-life one who has invested his life and love into my life in some way and I am now really feeling a healing sensation from God which makes me want to love him in ways I never knew I could love him. To be quite honest, it freaks me out b/c I shouldn't be naturally having those urges to love him after what grief and the painful scenarios he's caused me. Does he know this? He may or may not. He can only know what he experiences and his father has caused him a lot of grief and confused pain. Anyway I feel excited to see him when he comes down to visit me Friday and I miss my sisters a lot too.

I think writing can really help to unravel the mixed up pieces in the background of our consciousness. And I think writing can sooth the soul and quench our thirst for concrete understanding of emotions.

I like saying the phrase "Cinco de Mayo es my muy favorito holiday" because it makes me feel to legit too quit and that's important an important step towards fitting into society's complex placement scenarios.

Sitting here motivated---

I am so overwhelmed right now because of a friend of mine! His name is Jewish but his mission statement is as white as it ever will be.

Everyone must visit this myspace.com page to hear the most beautiful electronica ever known to man, right here:

http://www.myspace.com/hearuskillthemic

Anyway, Luke is the man! He told me he had been playing with different things on the piano over the summer during his free time but when i visited his page I was stunned! i can't believe how amazing it sounded, it was like professionally done. whether or not he reads this little snippet or not matters not, but the truth is I praise God for him. It is something else when a guy who loves the LOrd creates something with a passion and puts it out so others--anyone can experience it! I sit here motivated and encouraged and just excited by his work as a musician!!!

the Adventures of John Doe

So John Doe rocks! let me just say that for starters.

I got together with this kid named Jon Back who I went to high school with and because he's such a character (more interesting than what the usual person would expect when you say "character"), but yeah, this guy is a trip. I asked him if I could make a mini-series about him that we could call "The Adventures of John Doe" and post on youtube and make millions of people obligate themselves to delve into the crafty dramatic sequences of his life--being lived out of a dugout for a home and who never leaves the baseball diamond. He encounters certain people who try to interfere with his normal living but he dauntlessly puts them in their place without so much as a grunt and a "ehhh" noise.

We sat down and I typed out this script on my lap top while asking him what he'd say in these specific situations. He fed me lines that he'd say and I madly recorded them all and we ended up with three written episodes. Last week Tuesday we got out there to Field of Dreams and began haphazardly shooting from my church's Sony HD in a cinéma-vérité style which is gonna kill me to edit. I wish I could throw up a clip preview but I know they'll come soon--very soon!

We shot the last of it last night while doing a night shoot (which I had never done). I brought out a lighting kit with a blue gel and about a thousand feet of extension cords. This guy named Randy Hendrikse who is in his mid-sixties and who has a killer deep voice (I've used him to do voiceing for some other projects) came out and played the security officer who confronts John Doe on his living on city property. I was laughing so hard I could barely hold the camera. Oh well, now I've got to get to work on this thing. Kevin (the Bully) and I got together yesterday morning to write music and lay down a mucical soundtrack. We plugged in his guitar and a keyboard and went at it. should be fun once this thing's out! this is how I spend my time! Making mini-series like Marvin O'Connery and so on and so forth. I'll probably end up like one of those 5o-year old unshaven men who live by the river parks and wear Goodwill pants, smoke cigars, ride a rusty bike, and do community theaterfor a living--or at least I hope not.

Coming soon: The Adventures of John Doe

So I had all these ideas of things I wanted to write about. No lie, all these ideas and now I can't think of any. I go to this thing Monday nights at some people's house called The Prayer room and we just hardcore worship and sing and dance and pray with everyone all together. Why is it my favorite thing of the week? Well when you put a bunch of people in a room who for the most part want desperately to see God do something powerful, well he ends up speaking and i end up leaving feeling really loved and filled up again.

i told my sister to get her crew over there and sure enough her Bible study that she leads now comes and it is so cool to see them there. I really like playing the piano and i like to sing and i like how we just make up songs as we go constantly keeping the flow with ins and outs and continuations of other songs intertwined with fresh new ones. i can't think of a more fun way to worship God.

just a few more weeks and I'm going to go and get off to school. that i am really excited for. I'm not so pumped up about working at freshbrands and doing the same thing over and over and over--the same thing since february and at a breakneck 14 hour shift! it's gruesome! but with my bad performance as of late, i may end up just getting fired at the same time i would end up leaving for escuella! Whatever, either way God's given me a great way to make ends meet and i praise him for that. i still believe he's going to do great things before i leave and that's all that matters! my heart's in this thing for him so let the games begin (english accent).

yeah, i did this show thing at church called What's the Buzz? in the new TV studio I built in the basement. it was fun making all of it. it was fun writing up the show and getting it to be incorporated into the worship service where it would inform people of what's going on. brent, my media guy boss decided it wasn't going to fly to much longer though. (not because i swore during it and told dirty jokes)---(no i didn't do that either)...but because he thought it was too long and got things off track. i was offended. I thought my work was overlooked and i felt down about the whole thing...then i decided a few weeks later to talk to him and when we talked i totally felt so much better, like i meant something. he was like Zach, I know you put in a lot of hard work into these things. And he told me how he liked how I did this and that and i told him I forgave him and we moved on. Anyway, here are some clips...

(more more) Blue Like Jazz. part III

Okay, so it started downpouring just this morning and I was just going to go shower...but something about lots of rain coming down and usually your not supposed to have fun like that in the rain all by yourself, but I did. I ran out there to the street which was filling up with water and then bolted back inside to dry off. Yes, I am going to actually take a shower b/c I forgot my shampoo out there.

Here's the last of my favorite BLJ quotes here!

Blue Like Jazz quotes

And that's when I realized that believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon. (104)

Here is the trick, and here is my point. Satan, who I believe exists as much as I believe Jesus exists, wants us to believe meaningless things for meaningless reasons. (100)

The trouble with deep belief is that it costs something. (107)

I had this idea once that if I could make Christianity cool, I could change the world, because if Christianity were cool then everybody would want to deal with their sinful nature, and if everybody would want to deal with their sin nature then most of the world's problems would be solved. (107)

If you believe something, passionately, people will follow you. People hardly care what you believe, as long as you believe something. I told the radio host that I would rather talk about Jesus and how I came to believe that Jesus exists and that he likes me. (115)

For me, the beginning of sharing my faith with people began by throwing out Christianity and embracing Christian spirituality, a nonpolitical mysterious system that can be experienced but not explained. (115)

For so much of my life I had been defending Christianity because I thought to admit that we had done any wrong was to discredit the religions system as a whole, but it isn't a religious system, it is people following Christ, and the important thing to do , the right thing to do was to apologize for getting in the way of Jesus. (118)

The churches I attended would embrace war metaphor. They would talk about how we are in a battle, and I agreed with them, only they wouldn't clarify that we were battling poverty and hate and injustice and pride and the powers of darkness... The truth is we are supposed to love the hippies, the liberals, and even the Democrats, and that God wants us to think of them as more important than ourselves. Anything short of this is not true to the teachings of Jesus. (132?

I think there are artists at a lot of churches who don't have an outlet, and by creating an outlet, the church gives artists a chance to express themselves and in return the church gets free stuff to put on their walls. Relationships are like rubber bands...when one person pulls away, the other is attracted, and when the other person pulls away, well, that just draws the other one even closer. (140)

I think if you like somebody you have to tell them. It might be embarrassing to say it, but you will never regret stepping up. I know from personal experience, however, that you should not keep telling a girl that you liker her after she tells you she isn't into it. You should not keep ridding your bike by her house either. (142)

People really like me a lot when they only know me a little, but I have this great fear that if they knew me a lot they wouldn't like me. (143)

Marriage is amazing because it is the closest two people can get, but they can't get all the way to that place of absolute knowing. (146)

When I was in love there was somebody in the world who was more important than me, and that, given all that happened at the fall of man, is a miracle, like something God forgot to curse. (151)

No drug is so powerful as the drug of self. (182)

Because I grew up in the safe cocoon of Big-Christianity, I came to believe that anything outside the church was filled with darkness and unlove. (209)

The problem with Christian community was that we had ethics, we had rules and laws and principles to judge each other against. There was love in the Christian community, but it was conditional love. (215)

I was tired of biblical ethic being used as a tool with which to judge people rather than heal them. (216)

If a person senses that you don not like them, that you don not approve of their existence, then your religion and your political ideas will all seem wrong to them. If they sense that you like them, then they are open to what you have to say. (220)

I loved the fact that t wasn't my responsibility to change somebody, that it was God's, that my part was just to communicate love and approval. (221)

I have come to understand that strength inner strength, comes from receiving love as such as it comes from giving it. (232)

I think the most important thing that happens within Christian spirituality is when a person falls in love with Jesus. (237)

I know our culture will sometimes understand a love for Jesus as weakness. there is this like floating around that says I am supposed to be able to do life alone, without any help, without stopping to worship something bigger than myself. (237)

I think Christian spirituality is like Jazz music. I think Jesus is something you feel. I think
it is very difficult to get on paper. But it is no less real, no less meaningful, no less beautiful. (239)

(more) Blue Like Jazz. part II

I'm going at it again with some more quotes from the book here. Lesson learned: when you give a mouse (or me) a cookie (or a highlighter), he'll want to drink some milk (highlight the entire book like a yellow-book warrior)... Anyway, yeah. This book is great, I recently ordered a new book by Miller but dumb eBay is taking forever to ship!!! I'm not an impatient American, no, I'm just all about (ahem) promptness.

Blue Like Jazz

It all sounded so very witless to me, but by this time I wanted desperately to believe it. It felt as though my soul was designed to live the story Christian spirituality was telling. I felt like my soul wanted to be forgiven. I wanted the resolution God was offering. (35)

Christian spirituality was not a children's story. It wasn't cute or neat. It was mystical and odd and clean, and it was reaching into dirty. There was wonder in it and enchantment. (35)

She also thought that if Christianity were a person, that is all Christians lumped into one human being, that human being probably wouldn't like her. (44)

They felt they had to sell God, as if He were soap or a vacuum cleaner, and it's like they really weren't listening to me, they didn't care, they just wanted me to buy their product. (46)

I always thought the Bible was more of a salad thing, you know, but it isn't. It is a chocolate thing. (47)

Love, for example, is a true emotion, but it is not rational. What I mean is, people actually feel it. I have been in love, plenty of people have been in love, yet love cannot be proved scientifically. (54)

I figured all this was God's fault. I thought that if God would make it so I felt convicted all the time I would never sin. I would never get drunk or smoke pot. (63)

I think the things we want most in life, the things we think will set us free, are not the things we need. (63)

And that's the tricky thing about life, really that the things we want most will kill us. (77)

I was in that same phase of trying to discipline myself to "behave" as if I loved light and not "behave" as if I loved darkness. (79)

The first of the exploits to go was the Bible. It wasn't that I didn't want to read it or didn't agree with it, I would just forget. (80)

The ability to accept God's unconditional grace and ferocious love is all we need to obey him in return. (86)

Our behavior will not be changed long with self-discipline, but fall in love and a human will accomplish what he never thought possible. (86)

I felt as if believing in God was no more rational than having an imaginary friend. (87)

I read through the Koran before it was even popular. It never occurred to me that if Christianity was not rational, then neither were other religions. (87)

I don't have so many problems with Muhammad, but I have problems with middle-aged white guys who grew up in America claiming Muhammad as a hero, not because Muhammad never did anything good (he did), but because calling Muhammad a hero is such an incredibly trendy thing to do. (90)

I understand why people wear crystals around their necks and why they perform chants and gaze at stars. They are lonely. I'm not talking about lonely for a lover or a friend. I mean lonely in the universal sense, lonely inside the understanding that we are tiny little people on a tiny little earth suspended in an endless void that echoes past stars and stars and stars. (92)


Here is this guy using Islamic verbiage to make himself look spiritual, and yet he really hasn't researched or subscribed to the faith, as it presents itself. He's just using it. Raping it for his own pleasure. (93)

I knew Christ, but I was not a practicing Christian. (94)

I have become an infomercial for God, and I don't even use the product. I don't want to be who I am anymore. (97)

That is the thing about giving yourself to God. Some people get really emotional about it and some people don't feel much of anything except the peace they have after making an important decision . (100)

Blue Like Jazz

I have decided, after reading one of the greatest books ever, to put down some quotes straight from Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz, non-religious thoughts on Christianity. I have never identified so well with a book more than this one. It strikes a chord in me, and since reading it in January, I have felt compelled to get copies for great friends that I love--they deserve to read the same.

Anyway, I'm just gonna stop rambling on and put out some quotes. this may take a few blogs but bare with me...

BLUE LIKE JAZZ quotes:

In light of the earthly representation of the role, why would God want to call himself father? Seems a marketing mistake. Why would anyone want to call Himself Father when so many fathers abandon their children? (4)

If something nice happened to me, I thought it was God, and if something nice didn't, I went back to the slot machine, knelt down in prayer, and pulled the lever a few more times. (9)

I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. (13)

I didn't love God because I didn't know God. (14)

It was as if we were broken, I thought, as if we were supposed to feel those sticky emotions. As if we were cracked, couldn't love right, couldn't feel good things for very long time without screwing it all up. (14)

He said that when we are watching television our minds are working no harder than when we are sleeping. I thought that sounded heavenly. I bought one that afternoon. (15)

I think every conscious person, every person who is awake enough to the functioning principles within his reality, has a moment where he stops blaming the problems on group think, an humanity, and starts to face himself. (20)

Six billion people live in this world, and I can only muster thoughts for one. Me. (22)

I think Jesus feels strongly about communicating the idea of our brokenness, and I think it is worth reflection. Nothing is going to change in the Congo until you and I figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror. (23)

It is a pretty good idea to make noises when you are at a play. (27)

Everybody wants to be fancy and new. Nobody wants to be themselves. (29)

If there was a guy who just liked being himself and didn't want to be anybody else, that guy would be the most different guy in the world and everybody would want to be him. (29)

I pictured my pastor as a salesman or a magician, trying to trick the congregation into believing Jesus could make us new. And, honestly, I felt as though he was trying to convince himself as though he only half believed what he was saying. (29)

I felt as if Christianity, as a religious system, was a product that kept falling apart, and whoever was selling it would hold the broken parts behind his back trying to divert everybody's attention. (30)

The rebellion against God explained why humans experienced conflict in their lives, and nobody knows of any other explanation than this. (32)

Christianity offered a decision, a climax. It also offered a good and a bad resolution. In part, our decisions were instrumental to the way our story turned out. (33)

And perhaps, I was judging the idea (making a decision to follow Jesus), not by its merit but by the fashionable or unfashionable delivery of the message. (33)

I never liked it when the preachers said we had to follow Jesus. Sometimes they would make him sound angry... I liked the idea of Jesus becoming a man, so that we would be able to trust Him, and I like that he healed people and loved them and cared deeply about how people were feeling. (34)

TIME

I hate exclaiming "OH wow, it's already such and such date..." Or "It's June 29th already?...wow!" Because it is my belief that every 2.34 months a person will take notice to this sort of reality--time. Yes, time passes but do we always need to make a big stink about it as if it really wasn't supposed to go that fast.

We're the ones going too fast! We want to speed through the things we believe will be tough and long...when really nothing is ever slower and nothing is ever faster. We trick ourselves. We are making a big mistake if we are not taking the time to recognize the milestones in our life. And when I say that, I don't mean like major holidays and life-changing events and performances and that sort of thing, I mean the little things of significance. I am happy to be alive at this moment in time, sitting here overwhelmed with what God has given me. Yes I ran over my foot yesterday with a fork truck and had to go to the ER, but I'm okay, and I'll always laugh in the future because of that experience. I am fearful of tomorrow...will I make enough to get by? Will I meet my goals....Yep, and then time plays with you. But these people, these good times, I am so grateful for.

I don't need to freak out at the passing of time. It's not already a certain time, it is only RIGHT now! I am so thankful for the people in my life right here and now--not two months later--but now. They are here, these experiences are right here for no other reason but for me to give praise and glory to God. Does that mean I get to be lazy and slack? HECK NO! Why would I want to do that, not that I'm not guilty of that. I've got so many things I want to do...i've got vids I want to make, people I want to marry and shoe laces that need tying...it's time to seize the opportunities right here and now!

Okay so I'm giving myself a pep talk in all of this b/c I too fall into the trap of thinking that time is sneaky and conniving and only wants to devour my common goals...well LISTEN UP TIME, there's a new guy in town and you're going to have to NOT be crazy like that.
Okay, i'm okay now...

McNiggles '08 Tour de Detroit

Good times all around. I guess I never knew the D could be so freaking cool.
My friend John and I decided we would do something this summer and then we thought of McNiggles and it was all up/downhill from there. Something about the word McNiggles that just cries out to the soul and yeah.

So I packed my bags and went to my friend Kimberly's grad party in Appleton Saturday. I was really excited to see her and it ended up being a great time. I made a video for her because I thought that would be cool to do as a gift. It was a music video and it kind of jingles and rings a melody and stuff. It was fun. I also got to see Petey who was sleeping on the couch at his home and wasn't expecting my friendly face just inches away waking him up.



So I left Sunday and headed onward to Detroit, just me and the road and mustard chips and some good artistic music playing. You just got to love road trips, yeah they're fun, but when you take them and there's extended amounts of time where its just you, alone, it can be quite interesting. I end up striking great conversations with myself on subjects such as super heroism and quenching world hunger/thirst. Anyway, I underestimated how long it would take and ended up getting there quite late...missing the surprise party John had going. I just knew there was something up his sleeve. I felt really bad, there's nothing like missing your own party. But it was great to see him again, and i was wearing genuine chest hair just for kicks.









It was a good time seeing the sights and the funny ghetto store names and Arabic neighborhoods and really really good food. His parents, especially his dad crack me up with his strong arabic accent and constant comedy. got to see Alicia Williams as well because she was in the area doing an internship with the po po. The downtown was amazing, I mean I really felt like i was in the 313, I was a thug! We really liked the people mover and decided not to get off it because it was so cool. We got begged on by four toothless wanderers but and I had to part with my bag of kissibles so that this man could have a good meal, but it went to a good cause and I'm glad. It's always good to give things to people and brighten up their day.

There are so many things I could say for brother Johnathan--but I should change the name to 'Bill Stanley' so that I keep his name confidential. But Bill is such a good friend, and if there's one thing that speaks louder than anything, it's willingness to be a serve people. He's just one of those friends that's always there, we share a common interest in a lot of stuff and he completely fixed my computer even though it was a lot of work, he's like 'no prob.' But honestly I love this guy! I'm really glad he's gonna be my suite mate this fall because that'll be hilarious good times.
So I'm really glad to have had the opportunity to be in Detroit, it was worth the drive and I didn't want to leave but I did. Driving through the night had it's ups and downs. It was fine on the straight-shot to Chicago but once i was through that I got kinda tired so I pulled into a vacant gas station in the hood and slept for a bit. Minutes later I heard a kick on my car and this ethnic gas station owner was telling me to scram so I did and I ended up getting home, I just needed some coffee.

Now it's time to get back to work at the Piggly Wiggly warehouse and do the work God's called me to do for the time being.

Screwed Up Sleep Cycles can lead to Beautiful Experiences

Wow a title that gets right down to the point, that's what I love. Because as we all know, I always do that...

I've been editing video for hours with no results which kind of sucks. Why in the middle of the night? Because my nap at 3pm accidentally turned into a deep 7 hour sleep that now makes me awake and accidentally rejuvenated, oops. So my computer's slowly rendering, I went home to eat corn out of a can and another yum yum. Then i realized that since it's 4:30am the sun would soon be peaking it's self over the sea-scape of lake Michigan just a block down my street.

I thought I'm gonna go experience something not everyone says they get a chance to see everyday or ever. The sunrise! I felt so alive and ready. I scooted my car closer and then ran towards the lake, took the hidden stairs down to the beach and stood at the calm blue waves gently soaking the shore. I love my God! Being alone with him like that is such a cool thing. I'm seeing little streaks of red at this point coming up. The sky's blue is filling in with lighter hues now and I'm so drawn in at this point.

I asked God to heal some people and change other people's lives like he's done mine. It just seems like there's this uncanny presence of people in my life who are in need of God and I'm standing in front of this sea scape telling God that I'm willing to do whatever he wants. (Now that's a freeing feeling). As I was doing this, i picked up my bible and it opened right to Psalm 24 and it said...

"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it,
The world and its people belong to him.
For he laid the earth's foundation on the seas,
and built it on the ocean's depths.
Who may climb the mountain of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?"

I was so glad to have a screwed up sleep cycle and a wonderful daddy in heaven who was like speaking to my heart saying "Zach! Zach! Come over here, I want to show you things."
Nice.

a Rice Crispy Rising

Mmmmmm! Yummmy
There's nothing like waking up and checking the cupboards and spotting something so uncanny staring back at you with it's little purple face and box-eyes. I grab it out of there and chuckled, it was quite the hunt. I am not sure whether in the elder days I would be considered a hunter or gatherer or hunter/gatherer for that matter because yes I gathered in this scenario, and yes I hunted (like a bandit's mother-in-law in disguise).

O yes, now the good part! I poured it's luscious crispy crisps into a bowl and said "There ya go, partner!" Now I'm sitting here writing this with a cocky grin on my face full of "Snap, Crackle, and POP!" No, I'm not even mad! Well and it's not exactly morning either, I just call it that because, my goal on mondays is to just completely relax and rejuvinate my body and soul. I get done with work late Sunday night after having worked four 12-hour shifts like a jolly-Ferguson, I need to just sleep, so that's my mondays. And when it's around early evening, then I go to this awesome worship time with friends in their basement and we play music for hours.

Last night when I headed over to Walmart I had a fascinating idea which I wanted to turn into a reality! You know those electric scooters that are next to the welcome-greeter at the entrance? The ones for really old people who can't waddle too well, but they can scoot with excellance and then catch up to their grandchildren. Well, that was my idea. I wanted to ride one. And just my luck! The greeter must've gone off to break so there were three beautiful electric wheelchairs ready for me to ride away into the sunset with (if only I had an eighty-year old girlfriend to--no scratch that, that would just be weird). So I got on and at first felt like an R-tard. There's all these night-stockers giving me looks of who-knows-what and I clutched my knee cap in an effort to look injured. I moseyed down to the icecream isle because I was really feeling icecream, like someone would after their intense breakup. I grabbed some icecream and loaded it into my front cart while being eyed down by an old lady who had no sympathy for my situation.

I zipped accross the store in search for some sandals, which I found. They're great! Then I wanted to get some christmas lights for something I was making and well, I asked one of the ladies for help. She gave me a strange look as I asked her where the christmas lights were, then she led me to an isle that might have had them while quickly realizing that I was in a wheel chair and I could not keep up with her fast-paced walking, so she would stop every 1o feet for me to catch up with her. Meanwhile I felt so stupid, I'm like why am I in this thing, this is awkward. But then she was really nice. She was like "I'm so sorry honey, we seem to be all out of christmas lights." I guess it's the whole I'm-handicap thing that makes people treat you completely different.

I pull up to the check out aisle aboard the scooter and a lady didn't see me b/c i was so low and my head barely bobbed above the conveyor belt counter. She emphatically asked how I was doing and how was my shopping experience. How was my life going? How was my weekend? I couldn't believe how important I suddenly was just because I was sitting in an electric scooter apparently handicap and not like all the other kids. She even placed the bags into my cart with care and smiled and the funny thing is, she talked LOUDER AND MORE ANNUNCIATED BECAUSE APPARENTLY I'M ALSO HARD OF HEARING TOO! That almost made me burst out laughing. I pulled the scooter back to it's parking spot, got out next to the greeter lady who said "have a good day." She eyed me warily thinking oh sure, he's a fraud. I was glad to get out of that thing and once out of the electric doors I ran straight for my car breathing in that fresh air of freedom!

Healing Rain

Sunday May, 18th 2008 marked six years since my mom went to heaven after battling cancer for almost five years. Six months before she left us, my mom was filled with the holy spirit and was baptized and all. My family was all outside in the backyard, my dad and my sisters, when she arrived home and I still remember her face and the joy that it contained. It was unlike any mood I had ever seen her in, she was simply bubbling over with happiness and laughter. I felt like I had missed something really big but she told us what it was she was feeling--that of being anointed with evidence of speaking in tongues.

She soon left us because her cancer got real severe but there was a moment filled with an overpowering sense of the spirit of God in that little bedroom outside our dining room as she spoke to each one of us the night before, barely able to breathe and her words were spoken from a parched mouth. But despite all that, her focus was not on her need for earthly things like water. She was praising the Lord right there in her horrible conditions. On the wall beside her bed were pictures the girls had drawn and bible verses we had written out and stuck up. She pointed at that wall and said "make a window. I want to see Jesus." So we removed one of the posters leaving an empty rectangular space but she saw deeper than that. She was right then and there having a vision of the kingdom of heaven she was about to enter and the loving savior waiting to receive her as he smiled at her. She mouthed the words "Jesus, Jesus." I stood in that room with my three younger sisters and my dad, tears streaming down my face at the scene before me. I could just feel the lump in my throat and it was all I could do not to break down right there.

She spoke to each one of us and she wanted Brianna, my youngest sister, to accept the Lord right then and she did. She told us to live our lives for the Lord. She spoke to my dad and me, telling us to love each other. She was right and yet I wanted so badly to crawl up beside her and tell her to not go. To ask her to hold me and not leave me. Don't leave me mommy. I needed her and I could not bare the thought of her leaving this world for good. the tears began stream down even harder.

Six years later and I've grown a little taller and I'm 20 years old and yet I am living out my life for the Lord. he has my heart. I've cried for help and he has come to my rescue, tears in his eyes and his heart breaks to see me and my heart broken. He longs to pick me up and fill me up with a spirit of healing. I've wanted very much for a spiritual anointing from God and Monday, May 19th 2008 at 8:00 pm was apparently that time and sitting in the basement of Randy and Kate Hendrikse's house was most certainly the place. After worshiping with them Kate, this kind motherly lady, asked if anyone wanted something new--like a special gifting--from the Holy Spirit. And knowing that this was it, this was my time and all i raised my hand up high and closed my eyes. They came by me laying their hands on me and I began weeping. I shook with the need for this moment. As they prayed I could feel the holy spirit come to me and it was like heaven was raining down healing rain on me and i felt so free and light and I desired--I craved this so much. This went on for several minutes or maybe a half an hour. I don't even know. But it was beautiful. I was baptized in God's loving spirit and such a bold and amazing feeling came over me. It was like a spotlight was shining on me and my father, my savior Jesus Christ was standing there smiling so hard. The lady prayed prophetically, realizing that I'd lacked a true kind of love in my life over the years. That every time I was sad and rejected, God cried and his heart was broken. She spoke and told me that God just ravished after me and I almost couldn't believe it. I mean I've always know that God loved me and all but this was almost too much.

In my excitement at this glorious encounter and filling of the spirit I worshiped the Lord and jumped in his presence. I was flooded with tears but for some reason I could feel the radiance of a smile coming from Jesus' face. We sang and worshiped the Lord some more and I felt so light and so made new I just wanted to dance. It was a time of healing--a promise that God was giving to start making things new right there.
Somehow.

I am moved
by the good things you have done
by the mercy you have shown to me...
I am changed
by the greatness of your love
you've inspired every melody that I sing

This race is worth running with you by my side.
And you promised to never leave me or pass me by...

Oh but by the grace of God go I
Your mercy and your goodness follow me, all of my days >(travis gandy's song...)

Hip Hoppity Green Screening

That's right, it's gettin' hip-hoppity in here! i'm building a studio in the basement and i am having the worse morning in the history of mornings today. i went to bed @ 4pm. up at midnights. came here to church to work work work! I've been working on this thing since friday and have made a lot of progress. the walls are up, the back walls are black washed, i built prop-up stands for the screen. yeah, and so i go out to walmart this morning at around 3. and then there's these new european turn-about things that you glide right through and i pull into the road thats pretty much walmart parking lot and BAM! i get nailed for blowing a walmart stop sign. what idiotic trooper gets his kicks off nabbing poor 20-year old college kids like myself and IN A PARKING LOT?! come on, i thought, and i said to myself in the car with confidence, i won't get a ticket, i'll just do my usual respectful presenting of my case and whallah! i'll be home free. .. . ... ...

yeah... 1st of all, my front passenger door just broke from the inside out the other day ago .so i can't open it. secondly my power windows are currently out of commisions as well so the whole, confrontation with Officer Bimbo-head wasn't as smooth as it should of been. i reached back to the backseat door and pushed the door open then said, "hey officer is this alright if we talk through my back door?" (derrrrrrrrrrr!) he's like yes, can i see some I.D... oH & then my 3rd strike of the night, i didn't have my license with me but i did however have my old old 16 year-old one so i shrugged my shoulders and handed them that with a candid smile.

he was back 3 hours later with my ticket and a business-like nod that said "i'll catch ya again when you least expect it, i'll be hiding behind the shopping carts--my squad car camoflauged as a giant cart and i will get your 1st born child and ...." yep.

back to work if i can find the right tools, i made 3 trips back and forth to walmart because they kept cutting me the wrong sized fabric. i'm really frustrated right now and need a hug. please, someone ...mail me hug. yep

here it is...

Freshbrands--the warehouse with a promise!

--> Cheesy title, I know!

well, yes. all i can say is that i am so grateful for what Jesus is doing in my life right now and since the end of january, i thought it'd be impossible to pick up a job or even hold a job since i'm such a failure at life (he he...). but thats not what God thinks. yeah i've had to work a lot more than the average kid over the years and a bazillion different jobs. i've thought of being a real sport and posting every single job and position i've held on facebook (just to look cool and promote my awesomeness) but then i'm like well, yeah that'd be rather gay because it'd take up like 3 miles plus another half km.

I started at an sweet basil (an italian) restaurant. thats been fun. great people--and my sister Mallorie started working with me so that is great because now i can spend more time with her!!After filling out applications at over 25 different industrial and commercial full time jobs and sitting down for 3 different interviews I ended up landing a job at a Piggly Wiggly warehouse. i would have to drive a stand up fork truck around all night from 7 pm to 5 am 4 nights a week with much overtime.... and i mean alot. after a week of light training i started up in february on a sunday night from 9 pm to 11 am the next morning. that was hell in handbags...14 hours.. i could barely drive home i was so fatigued and stopped block by block to nap. and then only come back a few hours later.

OK...so what i'm getting at here is that as of last night, i received the news that i have passed all requirements to get off of my lengthy probationary period and get a raise and all. its all about making a rate where they give you so much time to get orders done and break your back in the process. wow, it is intense. this job has really gotten me into shape. i feel more fit and stronger. i feel like richard simmons after he realized how breathtaking his greased up shaven legs were...yep! But i was so excited when i first made rate (as they call it). it is extremely hard to do and it takes time to adjust and psyche yourself out every night but GOD WAS there for me all the time. he's given me the strength to do what i must do. the 2nd day, my trainer dude told me that i was more brainy than strengthy (or something like that). i was offended. i've always been a go-getter. when i want something, my strong willed spirit will do what it takes...not that i'm perfect by any means but...yeah, now this trainer guy takes back what he's said and cannot believe becaus 12 out of 14 employees leave within the 1st month of being at that place.

the people have scared me. but many of them are hurting and in need of a deep connection with something more. i feel determined to let my light shine- but Satan tries to make me look like a goon all the time. and i get made to look bad sometimes by the guys there. then i remember what Jesus must of felt like and i brush it off. this one time, i banged my knee into something because my fork truck brakes failed and my knee was full of pain. i prayed right then and there that God would heal it so that i could do my best for him and worship him through my work (even though it's not my dream-come-true-line-of-work...I'd much rather be making comical films featuring the characters that i have to wokr with) but i trusted in him and he healed my hurting knee and i could walk fine after that. i was filled with so much joy from that and i am right now knowing that when Paul said to 'keep your eyes on the prize' he WASN'T kidding!

i have much debt to pay off, but the lord is so good to me and provides me with evertying i need. Even Freshbrand warehouse with the pig! (i am gonna sneak a cam in sometime and record some of the weirdos and my crazy acrobatics on the fork truck and put it up as PIGS...the next NOSE KNOWS production documentary...maybe)

Well...Yeah, um. Sure, okay? Yes.

I've been having one of those weeks. Not too bad, nothing too chaotic. But still, I seemed press to achieve an objective that would include doing anything & EVERYTHING. (Otherwise known as the impossible.) Whatever! i'm still having fun and that's cool too.

My good friend Jim S---okay i'll give him a fake last name--Fitzgerald. (so as to keep his name in the confidential). Anyway, he leaves this weekend to go to costa rica. I tell you this guy cannot sit still. He goes away on new year's to Europe and stays through March, comes back, then realizes he needs to get out to do an internship down yonder...."Okay, fine." i told him. "But not until we've had fun climbing buildings, getting in trouble with law enforcement, taking pictures and a canoe trip, smoking cigars, and driving to MO on no sleep, staying up all night watching scientology movies, and the list goes on..." He agreed. And so I kept my end of the bargain and allowed him to leave. He should get back mid-summer sometime...But with the time going by so fast. It seems like the weeks just fly by with my weird schedule.

I'm always up nights. And when I don't work at the warehouse, i'm just screwed b/c then i just sit at church and write blogs and edit vids and do work. but it's nice and quiet too.

I love my church! Praise fellowship is unblievable. and the connections I've made here and the opportunities that are in front of me are endless... We built some unbelievable cubicles in the upstairs this week. It all started with the one i built from the crapload of cubicle material in the basement. I hauled them up and connected them and made myself a sweet office space! it was pimped out. Brent and Gary (the other tech guys) got jealous and wanted one. So i built them some last sunday but.... it wasn't good enough. I came back in and Brent had this executive style rounded glass corner attachments on his and i was like "hey...whihihihis...nice!" And so I pimped mine out even more and we built Gary an almost-all glass partitioned cubicle, which he loved, and they are so awesome that I think I'll move into mine and soon raise a family from within these walls....My wife and I will bond here and my kids will --okay, I'm done with that one.



...here i am again...

spring flingin' it

I got to go back to EU! (for just a day and a half) But still... it was unforgettable. i went with Joanna as Peter Pan for spring fling and it all worked out great. i went and didn't tell any one else that i was coming so as to cause a great uproar and riot when i was to break into Jeremy and Luke's room that night at 2:40 am. i was really fortunate to have my friend Jim come along to help me drive down or else i'd be in some ditch somewhere in Illinois and that'd be a little bit crappacious...

It was fun just seeing familiar faces and taking a bazillion pictures of our costumes and stuff. i decided to once again do something beyond what i have the skills or time to do and create my own costume which turned out good but WOW what a learning curve. i guess kicking it off in 7th grade home ec. couldn't have been more helpful...i was like grandma up there in the church balcony tech room sewing away. (it was a gay 'ol sight). I purchased some green tights and off I went. (that also was hard to do, calling up many different stores asking for women's lingerie departments for green tights! yeah....

iT
wAS
A
bLAST
aND
a
hALF!
!

mmm...TIGHTS!



It was an unbelievable time. No one knew i was coming but there is nothing like almost getting punched in the face by a guy named Luke because there we were breaking into their quiet room in the middle of the night. i guess I had it coming but WOW what a rush. i am grateful for the friends that i have. they are people in my life that are there for a purpose and a reason. God doesn't put things out of place because that would be sloppy. he uses friendship (i think) to bring a better understanding of who he can be to us--if that makes any sense-- I'm just a work in progress and we'll see if i still am eligible for the nut house someday.. haha But yeah...

I decided to post up the reaction of my almost getting my lights punched out and the awesome weekend and drive down to Evangel and it was just great. Here it is:

the grateful tidings!

I am happy to be alive. And it's not all the time that I can say that or anything like that and include the word 'happy' so freely. But I am--there are so many things to be excited about that I can't say the word 'happy' enough... happy happy happy happy happy. Thirty years ago I would be saying 'gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay' but no oops, that word has other connotations to it now so yeah.

I feel blessed to have a family to stay and live with, a job that provides what I need, people who actively help me out and make me feel like I'm ten times better than I really am (they're just that generous with their encouragement). And God opens more and more doors when I seek him. My relationship with Jesus means so much to me, it's like the most priceless thing I have.

A cool thing happened. A lady emailed me and said she knew my mom, and that my mom would be proud of me if she knew what I was doing. My mom has been with the Lord for over six years now and I've never gotten over that to this day. I am always wishing she were here so that I could really be blessed but God has had other plans (and I'm learning that those are far more beneficial). But something my mom did or said that impacted this lady and she mentioned those things to me and I was filled with a warmth that I can't describe.

I am so excited to go back to college and dive in but what's funny is that I'm already doing that right here and I didn't even know it'd be possible. In January I thought that from here on out through August would be a drag like no other but NO and NO AGAIN! it's been fantastic! I feel like I'm living a dream and I can't get enough of it. (And it's only been a couple months). I wonder what it'd be like to feel this way for a whole lifetime. To constantly be challenged and given new blessings and constant renewal of the mind and spirit--why haven't I lived this way before. "I'm keeping my eyes on the prize for which Christ has called me heavenward" And right now that prize is building enough income to pay off debts, meet goals, and get to college. but there has just been so much amazing side stuff God's doing besides just the meat and potatos right there. Never underestimate God! You just can't. He's always got something more than we're expecting up his sleeve and we just don't expect enough...so, I think we should start living the dream and prepare for craziness.....

Makes me want to make this noise: "Gehiheihsihihihiehiheiheihee!"

ZaCH’S 1ST BLOG

I dive into the deep,
into the sea inside of me.
To find another song,
to find a place where I belong. (deas vail)

Yeah, so this is my first little blog entry of my entire life! I really like that song by the way (up there). It’s called Shoreline by DEas Vail and it just has piercing meaning. But anyway, this is my 1st blog so I thought I’d entitle it, “ZaCH’S 1ST BLOG” because I just felt that special. Yes, that special. Amen.

Blogs seemed unimportant to me before because I saw them as a waste of space on the internet when I’d be googling for things of Utmost Importance. . . but then again, a blog is a like thumb print of where you’ve been and what you’ve become, kinda like a diary -- but, everyone can read it. Scratch that, I said “Diary” and I hate that word (sounds so girly)...JOURNAL! Yeah that’s it. Journaling!

Oh well, we shall see...