It's really good idea to jump off cliffs, but is it really a good idea to throw turtles around? I think not, especially the snapping ones because they look like a prehistoric menace that shrank and is mad because it had no purpose in life. What is their purpose, I've been wondering. We found the big guy in a pool next to the spot where we were jumping off cliffs into. I was nervous because I thought he'd show up again when I'd be frantically swimming back to the cliff to climb back up. Fortunately, no one else saw his sorry face anymore this afternoon.

I had a really good week this last week counseling a cabin of rambunctious junior high boys. They were a handful but a lot of fun. Two were hyper-active, one of which had anger problems and I'm pretty sure was a hypochondriac who would dream up every possible form of ailment and claim he needed to be hospitalized for it. First there was the Tuesday evening y nose bath in our cabin while I was trying to lead devotions. Then there was the extreme sunburn which turned into an issue of massive proportions! He got over it and really surprised me by the end part of the week when he was the first kid to get up at the campfire and tell what God had been doing in his life this week. It blew me away because it was at that moment that I decided that there would be no need to throw him into the lake that night. He was searching and God was meeting him here.

The first few meals at my table involved spilled milk and lots of sloppy slop campers! I decided to institute a friendly who-could-have-the-cleanest-place setting competition and...it worked. I gave out t-shirt prizes (It was easier than stopping by the Good Will drop box plus they love my old llbc camp tees) and I think I gave away some false teeth too. I had my friend come over and inspect very meticulously each place setting at the end of every meal and they were in to it!

One of my campers prayed and asked Jesus to come into his heart which was really cool. That's what I was really excited about happening this week and it's what I had been praying would happen for a long time. I guess God really does answer prayer, and he proves it every day here. Nice! One night, we grabbed all our mattresses and went to the middle of the ball field, under a blanket of stars and slept there. Charlie prayed that it wouldn't rain for the night and it didn't--until 6:30 am. But what a GREAT wake up call!

Today I ate the biggest cinnamon roll known to man. It was twice the size of my head and roughly two football fields in length and tasted really sweet. Matt the Musician had to help me eat it all because between that and my life-size-of-a-Volkswagen BLT sandwich, it just wasn't easy.

Here I am now. Here I am. I'm here, right now at LLBC. Lake Lundgren Bible Camp, home of the famous Lake Lundgren and featuring a camp that teaches the Bible and yep, here I am. I also get to work with a very famous and inspirational person, Jon Utzat , my counselor from back when I was a wee little camper in 2001 and '03. My he's grown since those years, (not really), but it's great to reunite with someone who has really shown me what Jesus is like, and someone who has led me along into growing deeper in my relationship with him.

I thank you God, for bringing me here and for helping me get through such a great book like "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller. As I sit in this boat that is docked and experience the love you have for me
to use
for you
to others.
Lord, help me to be someone who truly embraces a spirituality like no other romantic attraction and perpetual infatuation known to man. Let me throw out the old and take in the
newness
the fresh
the invigorating
blessed gasps of air
of which you've already exhaled onto your creation.
You've saved me from the penalties of
sulfer
red
choking
blood
that which is the sly flatulence of satanic
proportions
and I have no desire for it's pukey, repulsive
nature

I want to lead kids into a definite world of your grace, Father. To let them experience you and only you. To throw away the old of rejection and Christian monotony. To excrete the systematic religious rhetoric and an embrace on a culture war.

We've already lost a war. The war we've been fighting since the beginning of our time, found in our . It is this fight that started when we lie and say we're something else, as if to say we've somehow been exempt from our tendencies to make mistakes. It's a war that has begun when we decided we really didn't need God nor his love therefore revolting against both of those.

It's a war against our natural desires and tendencies, broadened to the term sin. We all have it just like we all have rear ends, we just hide them inside our pantaloons and
forget.
forget..
forget...
The love, the relational sensation, that feeling of connection. We're Christians on a ship adrift in an uncharted sea, numb to the legs that once freely walked the fresh ground. The wood in the ship slowly decays and so does our character, esteem, worth.
Loneliness.
Where is the Christ we committed to so long ago? The one we polished our decks for, raised the masts for, said "aye aye, Captain" to.
Where is he?
Where is the harmony between the tossing waves and this ship which brought us together in tune? Are we just an island bobbing up and down in our Christian swirl of despair?
A ship that at first glance looks
ornate
strong
victorious
But when you hit the deck, the rotting nature of our true identity is exposed and the rotten cargo is smelt. Our canons, aimed accusingly at other ships, bringing them down because of their differences in
opinion
denomination.

Laid to waste for the sake of our own esteem.

It is the outstretched tips of light that brings us back to the harbor. A place of community and love where ships of different sizes can finally be docked for the sake of unity. The Lighthouse Keeper, his footsteps echoing on the worn wood dock, makes his rounds according to his caring nature, cleaning the mold off of every one.
Cleansing
Restoring
Reviving every weathered one to a ship-shape standard of excellence, and the redemptive touch results in a shimmering fleet of worthiness. Every need is met and a love so personal is felt between each and every ship and the Lighthouse Keeper, whose light shines bright into the starry seascape.
Forever.

New things...

New things are going to bloom
A broadened horizon's gonna loom
upon the weakened man
whose life was destined doom

A day will come
A moment will consume
the old
the constricted
the morbid
Will slow-fade to reveal brightness
to exclaim enlightenment
to open envelopes of dreams discovered

I hold in my hand a gift
behold, it will change lives!
It will enable lives and allow for a season of blossom
Flourishing fast!
New things are going to bloom.

The Water's of Success are Moving!

So this weekend, sitting in a paddel boat with my dear friend Ralph Gerble at 12am Friday, I decided to come up with a new tune to describe my feelings toward the current moonlit waters of Lake Ozark. The song I ended up writing/producing is as follows:

"The waters of success are moving.
The waters of success are moving.
The waters of success are moving.
The waters of success are moving." (cont.)

So yeah, that's basically it. I'll probably be recording it soon, however cranky-pants Johnson wasn't too fond of the tune and i don't know if it just didn't hit home for him or if it really did give him a taste of bitter remembrance. I mean this song just wasn't agreeing with Ryan's musical tastebuds and I contemplated my next move. Should I continue to sing it, should I add another verse, or should I just stop altogether? I'd like to say that the Lord most certainly intervened at this moment because it was right then that I received a triumphant revelation. (similar to the frequent mailings of Miracle Springwater I've been receiving from Peter Popoff ministries) This hit me right where it hurts, the pancreas, and I told Ryan what I was thinking.

"So you know what, I have an idea."
"Yeah?" Ryan replied. "What?"
"Why don't you sing the song," I said.
"No way! that song is Stupid and I hate you for singing it," he retorted. So I kinda let him perculate for a while until I told him the deal.
"If you sing this song," I said, "I will jump in the lake and swim back."
Mind you it was like 35 degrees in the lake and I had not towel, no way to get dry, and I really didn't thin he'd actually want to comply with my desire.
"Okay," he said.
"Really?" I replied. "You seriously will?"

So I jumped in and swam to the dock, drippingly wet, and I met him by the dock as he approached to tie up. He sang it. All four lines like an angel falling out of--like a fallen angel!
I was so proud of this display because someone sang my song, not because they had to, no, because it was freaking good!

A success!

Exhaustive Depletion

So my blog title kind of says where I'm at right now with everything and how I feel. I am without a doubt excited for Spring Fling and dismayed by the workload. these videos...i know I'll get them done. I mean, whatever it takes right?

It's April Fools day so I started it out by telling a few friends that i was just leaving the ER (via text) and that I'd be back soon. They had given me some meds to take. Pretty sure Josh believes me, because he texted me back to say he was glad I was alright. What a nice guy! It's sure nice to know people care about you, even though I did not get side swiped by a car door driving past.

Please render!

So this crunch time thing for AB videos is killer! I feel like i'm going to be chained to this thing for hours this week...I am, though, very pumped to say i've finished one! (Two altogether) but I just finished this one called EU Ghost Hunters--which depicts a paranormal investigation into Building 25 similar in style to the cheesy shows that are on covering that topic. Building 25 appropriately fits the description of creepy whether your in or out making a video at an ungodly hour within its dilapidated interior. Good times!

Today I got the opportunity to see my grandparents as they came to visit me here at campus! There was much fun to be had as we searched for a place to eat for lunch, beginning with Lamberts because my grandpa really wanted to go there while grandma wanted to go to Olive Garden. Due to the long wait, I suggested the Brew Co. for lunch and so we went there. The food was delicious and we had a good time! I took them around downtown and we waltzed into the Coffee Ethic to use the restroom and much to my surprise the atmosphere was high in spirit as a local 3-piece jazz band was unleashing their arousing sounds of music. The cool thing about that is my grandparents love jazz but mainly my grandpa, as do I, so we lingered for a while taking in the rich aroma.

At school, i gave them a slide show pres. on my life over the last few months and they thoroughly enjoyed it, as well as my bird cage which they both wanted pictures of themselves underneath. Hilarious! Plus John & Luke and everybody got to meet them, so that was cool. We ate carrot cake celebrating my birthday last month and they got me this awesome sweater which I'm wearing now. Grandma sewed up my PANTS TOO!!

As i wait for the final cut of my work to render into a final product of my video, I kinda wonder how my life is doing the same. I so often wish I could see the whole picture--what it'd be like to get over those humps. I earnestly want to know, because i know God knows...so I want to know too. Is it supposed to be fun not knowing because I kind of feel terrified to be in the blurry shadows of indefinite perception. Wow, I sounded sort of cool there. Maybe I should stop so I can continue letting life render. Maybe.

Wow it's been a while

I really wanted to blog some stuff on my trip to Colorado and all that went on from the pages in my journal and the pictures I took, especially the sunrises. So, going back a few weeks...

Now we're in Denver. Ryan and I left this afternoon after over a week of planning out a possible vacation destination. Possibly Oregon, possibly Europe. Here we are. At his aunt's ornate home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains.

2-29
The sun sets between the snowy peaks, buttering the horizon with a look that could melt any heart. Every hill I looked at I wanted to climb. They beckoned me. They sit there covering the land like a multitude of valiant warriors. Every one of them features a unique design and when looked upon they readjust the emotions evoked in my mood. When I take the wheel and sip my IBC cream soda and nibble on this delicious bagel while listening to the music of Nickel Creek. I think to myself, God, this is what you're offering me. Why? What did I ever do to deserve it. Each chiseled mountain pass we move through takes me to a new level of ecstasy.
Oops...we just got pulled over--phew a warning. 74 in a 65.

Ryan's driving scares me a little. It's that queasy, unsure feeling of not knowing if this next bendy slope will be our last.

3-1
So I thought'd look in the mirror and I thought I'd write that song which maybe I'll finish later. But yeah, I looked in the mirror to see last night's reflection on my face and in my eyes. A five o'clock shadow and facial blemishes. Bleary eyed fatigue and a slow pick up on reality. I drove away from Ryan as he left with his girlfriend, up the mountains towards my destination. Telluride was laying in an abyss of darkness with cheery streetlights. A village that stuck out to me as some sort of doll house village that someone would display on their mantle.
After receiving haphazard directions I finally found the house. A man named Maddy was there and he let me in and we chatted. Later more people came and we went to a little pub to listen to a funk band, all the while watching people dance. I really like these people--they're pleasant and vibrant all at the same time. I feel like I've know them from a long time ago. I love life.

It's 1:14 am. We're at Caitlin's house and I am excited to get up even if it's just myself and go see the sunrise! It comes up, according to ChaCha, at 6:41 am. I am so much in awe of how sweet Caitlin is as a person--her giving spirit and all. She gave us an awesome array of goodies in a basket with some towels to shower with. In the mountains, I get excited to experience life in it's fullest. T see the world as it really is. To love what God loves and has loved since the dawn of it's origin. He formed every outcropping and shaped every tree with incredible uniqueness. Thank you God! Everything you make is great and this comfy bed--this secluded home in the backwoods relaxed to the tune of an old lullaby which will woo me into a deep sleep--rooted in you and your powerful arms hold me gently... your soothing breath calms my anxiety and depletes my weariness. Thank you God!
3-2
6:15 am. Well more like 6:25 but I went out disappointed to see that there was already light outside. Bummer! The sun had not peaked itself over the mountains yet so I still had possibilities. I took some shots and made my way down a thousand foot steep slope--the face of a hill delving itself in to a canyon. I wore the wrong shoes first of all but as I journeyed downward I caught on to a new method of sliding which I would define as letting my feet slide down the snow/ice ("snice") slope for those ten to thirty feet steep runs. I would kind of wipe out and almost lose my balance but I eventually made it to the bottom and was greeted by a fresh stream flowing through the ravine. I made my way across a beaver dam and sat quietly on big boulder to eat my trail mix breakfast. Then I got up to walk the river, stopping periodically to examine some dung piles--no I did not taste any. But I did find a massive pile which I thought may be the feces of a larger animal such as a bear or a mountain lion--do bears still hibernate in March? Well we'll see...It is absolutely gorgeous out here and so worth waking up for.

3-3
It was one of those days, last night, our adventures and sight seeing that went on. I made it up the mountain and as I finally made it to the top, after the two hours of climbing, I heard "rancion" and looked a there was Ryan sitting with Caitlin and their large Chesapeake lab overlooking the mountains. I am sore now thinking about the climb. But we took off to see more and we took plenty of pictures. Passing through the most marvelous chains of snow capped mountains, I realized that I was made for this. I was meant to see this and my heart is supposed to be captivated by this beauty, and the prospect of venturing into the unknown and seemingly uncharted wilderness. I got to see a ram yesterday. Ryan chased it down the road which was a sight to see. It was a gorgeous animal and very muscular. It climbed up anything just like that. We saw the city where John Wayne's film was shot. Saw a few hippies--I love the hippies! I want to be one, I want to adopt their laid back philosophies, their hospitality. Caitlin showed us her old town and we hiked up behind a waterfall overlooking the entire village. We then ate dinner with Caitlin's older sister and daughter, Adell. the food was outstanding and very filling. This morning was a letdown because there was absolutely no sunrise and I was even up at 5:45 am. dumb! I waited patiently out there with the camera for about two hours. Nothing. All I want, more than anything, is to be able to capture a beautiful sunrise.

3-4
to be in the mountains is to be one with my boyhood--a state of unblemished youth. We headed out for a trip to Moab, Utah to camp and hike and take pictures. We drove through the desert-like hills experiencing a whole new terrain. Snow peaks blurred in the background, red rock in the foreground. My heart was racing with every canyon and every passing sculpted rock. We got to the town and shopped for some groceries for the camp out. I knew we needed bacon--raisins and even eggs as well and something good to drink. That night, after saluting the sky as it beheld a beautiful pink hue, we pitched a tent, Caitlin began a fire in like 4 minutes and I helped the chef make some food. Potatoes, beef, carrots, onion sauteed in a nice brew of tacate. We ate, drank and were merrier than Mary Magdalene. The moonlight lit up the most elaborate view of the nearby lake as well as the snow peaked mountains on our left. Our laughter in the middle. Thanks to Caitlin's trip to Lebanon we experienced the great apple taste from the hookah pipe she brought back and then we took a night hike to the lake. Early that morning, the third time of the week, I left my squished spot in the two-man tent to go get some sunrise pictures. They were somewhat decent.

Later we climbed the awesome rock formations at the Arches National Park. Once atop a 6-story arch I felt the distinct aura of victory and I was almost swept away by the fierce warm wind. I carved my name on top and struck a few poses for the camera, then made an almost perilous descent down . I recall taking many risks and several crevice crawls of faith. We felt the sand blasts of wind in one climbing area. It was adventure at every corner. I could not get enough! That night back home we ate elk burgers and they were tasty. Nevertheless our stench and sand coated ear lobes would have to remain that way for a while as the plumbing no longer worked in her house, much to me and Ryan's displeasure. We soon showered though and made it back again to Telluride.

Strange and Beautiful

Another year to live, a new line to cross. Age twenty one.
A significant cultural mark. A rite of passage, many would say.
I don't feel like an entirely different person, or different at all. I like the status, but I'm not above anything or whatnot. I'm still me. Soon I'll be thirty one and I'll then truly feel old. Old.

I don't know, I'm kinda excited about being this age. I eagerly embrace having no curfew to hold me down from late nights in the future- talking, experiencing life, love, and for that matter friendship befitting to the third shift lifestyle I've come to love.

I love how jovial I feel about this day, especially leading up to it. It's like remembering something really good that has been stowed up and awaiting being found. And when you land on this day, dreams come true. I'm kind of a sentimental guy. I like to remember what happened a year from the here and now, where I was what I was feeling and what I stood for. Who did I like? What was I in to? Listening to. Thinking about doing. Did.

I was listening to Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful and man that's a great song. You should listen to it on playlist.com. It'll change your life around.

Where we stand

Where do we stand on a lot of issues?
There are so many gray areas that I see in the Bible that I could go on for hours discussing until my voice gets raspy and gross sounding--like a tractor running over barbed wire. My heart is in a place where I want to propel in my experience with Christ, getting to know him on a more intimate a way as possible, but I don't want to shut my mind down either. I want to listen and ponder things so that I can then hear God's voice and it will all make sense, hopefully. Talking with a dear friend of mine, we went on for hours and now I'm just writing this blog, as a means to some sort of closure so that I can sleep I guess.

One person said that drinking alcohol to the point at which you get a buzzed feeling is considered a sin and the other said that once you are drunk is when you should draw the line and consider it a no-go because drunkenness enters into an arena of sin. Jesus provided much wine, 138 additional gallons, miraculously for an ongoing wedding which he was at. His first miracle. Therefore Jesus promoted and provided alcohol for a wedding and most likely took part in the drinking as he did in days to come. The Bible says later, in a letter by Paul somewhere, to not be drunk with wine but rather with the holy spirit.

It seems that those two things, Jesus' miracle and words of wisdom against drunkenness, seem to collide a little. It makes me wonder if at Jewish wedding feasts there was any form of drunkenness. I mean with all that wine, isn't it obvious that the point of it was to drink to enjoy it's effect--the design of alcohol, for the pleasurable enjoyment. The tingling effect that it brings. Would Jesus be at the wedding fest picking people out of the crowd with a megaphone in their face and telling them to cut it out with the drinking when they got a little too tipsy?

Is there a place for drinking in the kingdom of God or should it be banned? Christians seem to struggle with this issue because we come from different paradigms of thought on this based on our experience. It's weird but really strict Christians seem to partake in a lot of drinking while at the same time very free-going Christians are totally against any drop of the forbidden juices. It seems more like a festival of confusion rather than a wedding fest of enjoyment. Jesus was all about communion--getting together to form bonds with people of all walks and backgrounds, rich/poor. It also seems that people throughout history, Christian or not, get together and are propelled in their enjoyment of one another through the intake of a good brew, bottles of champagne or simply wine. That's one spectrum of it's use (the stuff in the bottle that is) but what about the drunken orgies and the slaying of the innocent because of chaos that comes from drugs and alcohol. There is this frightening illustration in Revelation that talks about God pouring out his cup of wrath on the nations--this is a judgment--so that those who have sinned (everybody) can become drunk upon the wrath of the lamb. This is setting up the illusion that drunkenness is something the Lord looks down on and he says hey why don't you put this in your "pipe" and smoke it, so to speak, as a way of showing his love. Obviously people abuse alcohol left and right, that is no secret. Church leaders are doing it, devout Catholics, innocent school children, elderly folk. It's everywhere!

What should someone who loves Jesus do? Should we drink wine and eat and thank him for what he's given us at the appropriate time? Abstaining from something like food, technology, blogging, or sexual gratification can give us a chance to let God fill an area that's missing. It kind of lets him do his job when we give things up. I don't think a person can honestly give up food for good or any of those things because they're gifts from the Lord when they're used properly--in their place with moderation. (Which is why I blog once every 10 and a half years)

I still love my friend even though I'm not won over to everything he says or stands on. I do stand on God's word and that's a really cool thing. I also like to water ski which makes me a very cool Fitzgerald warrior!

the fitzgerald armies!

i am really excited to lead worship in a few days for 24. just the whole thought of coming together for the sake of inspired music and illegal vocal harmonies puts me over the edge. Geiheiheiheihiehiehiehiehiehiehie
sometimes i don't feel like i'm going anywhere-- with God, my friendships, etc. etc.
and it makes me feel a little helpless, and a little bit dumb.
is it a commitment thing---an issue of discipline?
I like to make people laugh, because i like the feeling that joy brings in its unpredictability and empowering. it strengthens, and at the same time weakens tension, lightening the moods of uptight bureaucrats.
I wish i could be a stand-up comedian like my brother. he's got a constant stream of humorous comedy coming to his mind and he delivers it so well. it's all in the timing. but I'm glad to be just the way God intended me to be, and yet i still want to change for the better--I want to go to a place that's better, figuratively.
Is is because I'm not content? Partly.
Yes.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.
I'm happy with today, not anxious, and thrilled to see my God in his glory and rising.

Newness

A new start.
It's time to depart,
what's to lose?
I want to choose
something fresh, in this stillness.
A new start.

John Habibi just got back which is good, because I consider him my other half. when he's around there' no telling what will happen, or what will be said. All i can remember is a bunch of laughter, a few unintentional racist jokes and some new inside comedy.

Luke should be back tomorrow! that's good, because Luke is much better than John--i'm testing to see if ur reading this John, just kidding--Everyone's special in their own way. So speaking of new starts, everyone's talking about going hardcore with dieting and exercise. Cool I guess. i want to do that too. more importantly, i want to start this sem. off right with my classes, my relationships, and most important Jesus. I want to spend long hours in conversation with the creator and i want to soak in h is pressence.

so we're watching Apacalypto right now, so i need to stop and watch the half-naked native Mayans chase after their families and kill their friends.

Newness.

...Breeze of Air

So I'm back from WI and I'm back from the amazing OneThing retreat in Kansas City, MO. God really spoke to me there and I am so glad I went. I also have been learning a lot of what God is raising up before his return--a generation wholeheartedly serving him through global day/night prayer and fasting. Sounds pretty extreme right off the bat but those that are earnest about serving Christ can be promised so many good things.

I had to write out my testimony for a form I'm filling out to be a counselor next summer. So I thought I'd put it out here as well.

A testimony is always changing as life goes on and so it’s refreshing to be able to write it out to this point and time, including my future hopes and dreams. I accepted the Lord when I was young when I was with my parents and I grew up in a typical mid west Christian home.

Life as a young Christian was uneventful other than what took place in my life at church and home and the daily grind. But something happened that wasn't supposed to happen. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I was really scared for her. I have three younger sisters and our mom was very dear to us so the thought of losing her filled me with a great deal of fear and insecurity, not knowing what tomorrow would bring. She pursued all sorts of treatments from natural medication, surgical operations, radiation and then the worst of it, Chemo.

As the years went on, her health declined dramatically and life could be defined as a roller coaster because of the little victories that would last for a few moments and then be replaced with something else going wrong with her health. Now four years into this battle, her lungs began filling with fluids and she was frequently in the hospital and then put on oxygen. I trusted in Jesus to heal her and to do a miracle—this was my daily prayer. However the Lord had something else in mind because it was mid May, Mothers Day had just past and the week was progressing. It was then that she could feel the Lord calling her home but it did not seem right. I could feel myself asking the Lord, why are you doing this? How could you take something so precious away? It was then that he led me to a verse that I took great comfort in. It’s in Zephaniah 3:17 and it says “The Lord is mighty to save and he takes great delight in you. He wants to comfort you with his love and rejoice over you with singing.”

It was a time full of memories during those last few days; holding on to every moment spent with her in that little room next to our dining room. The presence of the Lord could be felt in that room when she told us things that we needed to hear and that she loved us. I remember choking down tears and trying to be brave but seeing my mom go was almost too much to handle. But God was there and his love could be felt. When she passed away there was a peace came over our family and the knowledge that God’s will had been carried out was there.

Just leaving the eighth grade and now being in a single parented home were just two of the reasons life wasn’t going to be easy. On top of that my relationship with my father was not good. We just did not get along and I grew up stoking a hatred for him because of the way he treated me. I wanted him to show me love like my mom had done and when that didn’t happen I would rebel and not submit to his sometimes unreasonable demands. After my sophomore year of high school, the real fights broke out and anger brewed in my heart towards this man. At the time my dad faced severe depression and was hospitalized for a week because of it. Underneath it all he simply was grieving the loss of his wife.

I continually felt pushed away from my dad and especially because when arguments went sour and sometimes physical, he would send me out of the house to live somewhere else. I resented him because of this. He remarried a year later to Deb and her two sons and daughter and I had the privilege of now having a brother, Josh, who soon became my closest friend. It wasn’t too long after high school that I was pushed away from the family again. It was the only way for my dad to deal with the problem without actually dealing with it or me. I was forced to find some way to live before the holidays began but the Lord provided everything I needed: free housing, a loving church, a job and friends. My heart was still bitter towards my dad but I buried that for another year. An opportunity for schooling opened up and I went to Evangel University to pursue my dream of becoming a filmmaker. A semester after that I had to come back to work and pay off debts so that I could come back. I worked very hard at a warehouse and a side restaurant job. I took part in ministry by leading a drama small group and making ministry films at my church where I got to take on a leadership position that really challenged me.

In May of 2008 I was invited to start coming to a Monday night prayer group that met and spent the evening praying and worshiping the Lord. What happened there radically changed my life as a man of God. I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit that night as some friends prayed over me and I was filled just like I had seen in scripture. I fell deeply in love with Jesus on a level that I had never known before. I could feel myself growing to be more of a leader to my friends and then something miraculous happened. I began forgiving my dad for all the pain he had caused me. We’re told to forgive but for whatever reason it is not stressed enough in the church because all around me, young and old, there are people who have something against someone in their lives. The summer came to an end as I was just about to leave for college and I traveled over to my dad’s house asking for the spirit to fill me as I would say the words I needed to say. He did. And I told my dad that because of the bitterness in my heart I’ve been unable to love him and I prayed a prayer of blessing over him. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me he couldn’t believe this was happening. This was a milestone in my life—a moment that proved that God can answer prayer.

For the first time in my life, I have felt an unreal amount of love for that man, my father. It makes me so excited knowing that this can happen and that when we ask for things, he is faithful. This fulfilled Ephesians 4:32 where it says, “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” This is my story—my testimony, up to this point. I want to seek Jesus out and fall deeper and deeper in love with him. I have been crucified with Christ. I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting gin the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)