'Antichrist.' A review.

If I were not so spellbound with the atrocities committed on the silver screen, I would say something intelligent right off the bat. Maybe this is too soon to write anything on what I saw in that rich, vivid nightmare called Antichrist, but I'm determined to sort this out.

This is the kind of film which blends 70's Cannibal exploitation with the modern day pornographic expectation and concocts an art house thriller. It was scary. Most likely the most frightening thing I have ever seen. Detracted from any form of mirth, a couple sets out to their cabin in the woods to sort through the grief of losing their son but are entangled with the brooding evil that violently awaits them. A degradation from intimate passion in their relationship to downright violation is at stake and it doesn't end until someone pays a hefty price.

Danish director, Lars Von Trier, steps out of his own closet of insecurities and imbalance to produce the most intense story of absolute existential fear and derision. As Colin Covert's review stated, "It uses shock effects to batter down our complacency and poses difficult, unsettling questions about living rationally in an irrational world. Most films are idle daydreams. This is an ice cold nightmare." I couldn't agree more.

The therapist husband, in an effort to spur on her efforts of overcoming the grief, tells her what our minds think we can achieve. This motif is very much like the existentialist idea that says we can define our chaotic universe once we come face to face with angst, but as the fox in the woods said in such a surrealist fashion, "chaos reigns." This chilling phrase reverberated throughout the remainder of the film as all hopes of regaining control of the situation gradually disappeared.

Now with that said, my personal regards to this film are pretty straight forward and not the typical liberal, lenient outlook which openly invites all genres, styles and stories regardless of content and moral implications. This one in particular did something to me that I cannot put into words but it was something very wrong.

I can remember years ago coming back from the theater with my friends and sisters from the theater where we had just seen The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I liked the film, its message and the way a somewhat true story was transformed into a very explosive style of delivery, as is custom with modern horror films with compelling spiritual themes. We got home and I came to my sisters bedroom where the girls had assembled holding hands and praying for each other. Apparently what they had seen really affected them deeply and they wanted to rid themselves of whatever it was that had disturbed them and taken their peace. I felt slightly amused that it would come to such a thing and that we would need to pray for protection from the elements presented on the screen. I slept fine. But with Antichrist, I feel that very disturbance which they must have felt and I think I can now empathize.

I did not enjoy seeing this film. I enjoyed the rich imagery, the completely free and dangerous acting, the lighting, the overall mise en scène. But overall, this movie disturbed me at a very deep and cerebral level. I wanted less but I needed more in terms of the story. There were so many questions and the disturbance inside me grew and grew. I was also upset about the chapter headings in between portions of the story; it was unnecessary to me even though it gave it the look and feel of a fable. Covert goes on to say, "Lars von Trier's "Antichrist" exists in an orbit all its own, where conventional judgments don't apply. It is a challenge, not an entertainment. To watch the Danish provocateur's new film is to experience unrelenting pain, shading into revulsion, while being inspired by his virtuoso command of the medium and sharp intelligence." (http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/movies/69869292.html?page=1&c=y)

Antichrist is a phenomenal film but is not for the faint of heart. There is a lot to stomach and it must be handled with much maturity.

The Final Cut

My life right now seems like a series of overnighters, caffeine and a workload so severe it could mean only the obvious, I am too involved in everything. Academically I am at the point of being totally maxed out with my 17 credits of very hard and demanding classes, my capstone course being the worst.

I had set out this semester with an idea in mind and plans in motion to make a short film on the life of a heroin addict. Completely fictitious. Nothing personal held on to it in any specific way. It was and is just a story and I am okay with that. Throughout this entire unravelling process of screenwriting, casting and working with my little motley crew, it has been an astonishing period of growth and development in the story behind the story. We all live with compulsive acts, addictions, but if we don't try to overcome them they will overcome us. That is the message behind my movie.

He dies at one point in the film due to a bad heroin hit. He's strung out in front of a car and whats worse, it's raining. I realize I'm giving away important details of the plot but I just feel that the nature of the film must be made known before any processing can happen. I find myself second guessing myself for why it is I chose to do this type of story. Why not a comedy? Deep within ourselves is a very painful place. Maybe it was a past event or a fearful uncertainty about future points in life. Nevertheless there is a part of us that is predisposed to the tragic elements of life.

My mom dies after I turned fourteen. An unnatural time for such an event of that enormity in my life and my inner being was bombarded by heaving emotions--a climatic pitfall in my own personal story. I couldn't possibly relive that one. You couldn't pay me to go through that one again. Mark McGraaf is a character that will only have to live this compulsive period of of drug abuse for just one embarrassing moment, and then it's over. Done. Lights. It's over.

I want truth to be painted onto the screen while at the same time our disbelief is suspended just enough to enroll into the thought process of a lunatic and a scoundrel. What do I hope to accomplish in the telling of this story. I want to make way for more to come out from deep inside of me. I need to tell stories or I'll die, just like Mark but hopefully not in the same way as that would not be very accommodating to a career which I hope to invest in. Drugs for me have never been an option nor have they been an idea. I have questioned what I would do if they took down the marijuanas and made the substance legal but it isn't the most important thing to me right now. Storytelling is.

Premiering April 29th and 30th is my film, "White Fight" and I am sure that it will ignite passion, controversy, clenched fists and romance. I want to stare opposition right in the face and say "here I am." I think raising awareness about the deadliness of a drug is a very good thing to do. Why sweep any issue under the rug when we could make something out of it using a creative process to draw people in.

Come see it! At Evangel University- 8:00 and 9 (I think) It'll be great! Dandy!

Don't forget to "like" my movie page as well!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/White-Fight/197270283641787

Life in Los Angeles

Long have I waited to get to go to L.A. and see what could be the place where I take my career after college. I kept thinking these thoughts while aboard my flight Thursday evening. The setting sun smelted the clouds with golden beams of light on my journey into the West. This was an unusual opportunity for me, not only to go to a new place, but to reunite with a good friend of mine and learn about the art and power of story. My main objective, though, was to see the Los Angeles Film Studies Center where I am hoping I will be able to go to school at when I graduate from Evangel. It's a stretch financially, but If God wants me there, he'll make sure I get there.

To my surprise, once I got off the plane at LAX, I had a phone call saying Luke would not be picking me up at the airport after all. Not because he didn't want to but his car had done him in really bad this time. Normally I don't think superstitiously about vehicles but this one's a little different and its license plate says "666" on it. Bad omened! Anyway, I was graced with former student body president (he hates it when you refer to him as that), Caleb Pyles, who was able to steal his buddy's car away from him when he went to bed and pick me up right in time! No complaints.

The following day was spent visiting Luke's school and seeing the equipment and the ins and outs of the programs. I found it very likable and from hearing Luke's growth from his projects, I was becoming more and more convinced that I needed to go here after school. We took off with some of his roommates to Huntington Beach and got to see the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Now there is absolutely no way in Hell I am going to go to this beautiful, expansive body of water, at the peak of the day, and not jump in the water. I didn't care how cold it was, I just needed to say I've been in the ocean and I jumped in. Luke and I got boogie boards and rode the waves. It is a miracle to say I was able to feel the incredible power of the waves and feel so in touch with creation and God in those moments. It was a defining moment for me, in some way, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Luke's roommate's parents took us out to eat that night and we got to walk the pier out into the ocean that night. On the ride back to the apartment, Luke's roommate and I talked about life and what we had been through in the past. He expressed to me how painful it was to have a girl, who he had been engaged to, take off and leave him. As much as I wanted to continue this conversation, I was fighting the weight of my eyelids and dozing off in between making reassuring remarks that I was totally following what he was saying. He understood though and didn't hold it against me.

Saturday was next (because it comes after Friday, according to accomplished singer/actress Rebecca Black) and we woke up early to go to Pasadena to attend a conference for a Reel Spirituality: The Death of the Critic conference. Reel Spirituality was a book I had just read and had been tested on in one of my theology courses back at Evangel and the author, Johnston, was there so I was very intrigued on what would happen next. Several movie critics from the L.A. Times, USA Today, Christianity Today and NPR were there to discuss there views on film criticism, all of which seemed brilliant to me. It all came down to the fact that we all need to criticize film and all kinds of films so that we can see the artistic value in everything, however, to do so we need to dialogue with actual people about it. In our age of electronic journalism and social networking, there is a definite lag in our communicative ability to get information across, avoiding human contact at all costs. (And look at me, blogging away!). After this, I attended the 168 Hour christian Film Fest. Many of the shorts were good but there was also a lot of poorly constructed movies that looked more in tune with their triumphant use of DSLR equipment more than the story elements, which were, in may cases, lacking.

I went to church with Luke the next morning at his non-denominational church in a theater in Hollywood (of course its in an old theater in Hollywood, why was I so surprised!) I don't remember exactly what the pastor spoke on other than his emphasis on the importance of connecting with people in the church and how it is not about the numbers. Later that afternoon Luke and his roommate Dan and I climbed the Hollywood mountain and got pretty close to the sign. I wanted to run out and touch the flimsy pole-shed white letters, but Luke held me back by diverting my attention to his curious dance. The "Dumb Dance" I guess is what it is called. I enjoyed it and that was when the sun went down on L.A. The three of us stood over the city, poised in a position which allowed us to look about 360 degrees in all directions, and prayed. We prayed for the community, our lives, and the God would continually work in us to carry out His plans for our lives. It was something else.

Only one thing could top off the night: a drive through downtown Hollywood, past the Kodak Theater and famous-people handprints, and a trip to Yogurt Land. The next day, I got up, did two of my journal classes for my lit class back home and ran out the door with my two carry on bags to catch a series of unfamiliar city busses, and then my plane. I barely made it as you'll see in the video below. But I did make it and I know God had his hand over the entire trip. I was able to connect with several very amazing people who were not in L.A. for themselves but to serve others and be there for people. This seems like a rare find as so many people who I have talked to regarding L.A. believe it is a place to boost their career and eventually find success. This wasn't the story for Luke and his friends. They were there to find their unique place and start from a foundation of humility, laying their egos aside to better the vision of God in their lives. With all this and more, I do hope that I will have this opportunity to come out to L.A. in the future!

KC Missions Trip Bo nanza

It's a thrill to be packed away in a little car and sent out three hours from home, while others I know are valiantly conquering overseas work; the mere use of the phrase "overseas work" is in itself enough to give it its credibility. It really doesn't matter where you actually go, there are those everywhere who need friendship and I'm willing to bet that they're all around us, even back home. I thought this trip would be quite a stretch from my usual spring break trips in the past such as Paris and the Rocky Mountains. I guess, I needed all that experience--treating myself to the niceties of vacation travel--before I could really have considered myself prepared and equipped to take on actual mission work. Enough said, I considered this a legitimate opportunity to serve and grow in my relationship with God. I've been finding it has also been an absolute privilege too.

We started Monday morning and arrived in KC at the market and middle eastern cuisine with a bunch of people which Adam Stoddard, our pastoral person, personally knew through their active involvement in church planting. We learned about the different challenging aspects of church planting in the inner city and it's diverse culture and common post-church mindset.

We spent time after that with a gentleman who began a ministry in a neighborhood with a prominent homeless population and we had the opportunity to take a brisk walk down to a homeless camp. A bon fire blazed and many stood around stacked mattresses that had just been dropped off. It was then that I got a chance to meet Joe, an out-of-work gentleman who candidly expressed his dreams at getting back on the road aboard his 18-Wheeler.

Here is a video I put together which expresses all of our thoughts on the trip, our new friends the Bieber Twins, and the bonds of friendship which were formed.